Both far right and far left make a break for it, and we wind up with four parties. We’ll call one The God Party, and the other the The Anti-God party. The other two we’ll keep the names.

All the screamers from both parties show up at the same events, formal debates are scheduled for those who’ve demonstrated consistently an aversion to screaming, and the rest of us can consider who is representing us best, and vote likewise. I’m talking 10 events at least, with each representative only allowed 1.

For anyone to pay attention, the media would have to score it like a professional football game, somehow, including the final score, and therein lies the problem with even the fantasy. (Pay-per-view?)

But anyway, it’s my fantasy, and the first four questions should be taken right out of John Cole’s playbook. With the fourth question included.

We could start right there.

C’mon, Mr. Phelps. It can’t all be done from the top.

What Michael Phelps and his publicists SHOULD be saying.

Hat tip to Scott at LGM.

Update: Open letter to Michael Phelps:

Dear Mr. Phelps,

You’ve done something no one else has done, ever, and you’re 23 years old. Why don’t you spend 3-5 years being what would in the political discourse be described as loony-tunes for something you and about 30 million Americans know is sane?

You got some big political bank, dude. People are going to find it hard to argue with you if you simply call it like you see it.

In short, your choice is being exponentially more polarizing with the knowledge you’re espousing a point of view that millions share, but dare not speak its voice. Millions will love you even more than we already do, but even more millions will vilify you. I understand it has cost.

But you have the virtues of being on the correct side, and in a unique position to move the Overton Window.

Thanks for the thrills and pride. And smoke ’em if you got ’em.

Also, enjoy the babes and money. You earned it the American way. You worked for it.

J

Update 2: The brilliant and ever lyrical Poor Man Institute gives you a tasty-lick of my link.

And this election season has been so fucking strange, so fucking strange we have Republicans arguing for a government bailout of “free market capitalism,” (their rich pals and donors) and Dems going along with it, since they suck at the same teat.

Yes, we live in such strange times this just may work. I, for one, would be tremendously entertained, and wouldn’t care if it cost Obama the election, since a McCain win will almost surely kill the GOP for the rest of my life.

Q: Do you believe the Earth is roughly 6000 years old?

Follow up Q for Y answer: Do you believe we know the speed of light?

Follow up to Y answer: Are you aware that all those beautiful Alaskan stars wouldn’t be seen by your lovely bespectacled eyes until the light that shines in both travels many ‘light-years’?”

Follow up Q for N answer: You don’t believe we know the speed of light?

Follow up Q for N answer: Really? Your biography suggest you are a creationist. Please elaborate.

Q: Would John McCain have chosen you if you were a man?

(No chance of N answer.)

Follow up Q to inevitable Y answer: So, just to restate, you believe you were the most qualified person, man or woman, McCain, who will be the oldest President we’ve ever elected, could have chosen to be his Vice Presidential candidate?

Q: What was your role in the job loss of your ex-brother-in-law, and Walter Monegan?

A: I can’t comment on it, because it is currently under investigation. I will say that my record as a reformer is clear.

Q: Do you think the American public might be tiring of those words?

A: No comment.

Q: On to foreign affairs. Do you believe, as many McCain surrogates have suggested, that Alaska’s proximity to Russia provides you foreign policy experience?

Follow up to Y answer: Really. Explain how.

(Follow up until she proves she as a clue about foreign policy. Yes, it will be a long interview, but this is fantasy politics.)

Follow up to N answer: Then why do you suppose so many people are saying precisely that?

Q: You imposed a windfall profits tax on oil companies in AK, which John McCain opposes and Barack Obama supports. Why?

A: Because I have a proven record of taking on the special interests.

Q: Thank you for your valuable time. You’re truly hot. Just one more softball: Which books were you interested in banning? Many Americans want to ban books, so this is a valid question.

Media Man figures out a historic blow-out would be better, financially speaking, than a close race, and adjusts coverage accordingly.

When McCain starts screwing up borders, it is time to start with the mocking.

I noticed that Maureen Dowd is a guest on one of the Talking Head shows this morning.

Just once, dear Lord that’s all I ask, just once, I’d like to see MoDo asked on The Great Tube of Learning if she knows who Molly Ivors is.

Follow up questions would be too much to ask even in the world of fantasy politics.

We can all agree that storing anger and disgust is unhealthy. You just have to let this stuff out, or it will destroy you.

So it is hard to avoid the notion that the GOP is going to find out that the release of anger and disgust is a powerful thing. I have a feeling the metaphorical orgasm is coming. You can see some drips and dribbles in the special elections, but my sense is that we’re just building towards the Big One. And what a great one it could be.

November 5 is going to be an interesting news day. I took the day off. If a lot of other people do, it would be a really funny thing to see a spontaneous national party break out. I can’t think of anything more embarrassing to Bush.

Plan ahead. What a great message it would be. Nothing is worse than being laughed at, having your high-and-mighty platitudes simply dismissed as comedic jerk off.

I love fantasy politics.

Update: The REALLY funny thing is that I’m a libertarian-leaning, borderline anarchist educated voter who thinks the system is so corrupt even the Democrats are shit. At this peculiar point in our history, I’ll take the lesser of the two evils. It’s way lesser.

Update: Great minds and all…