Search Results for 'Fantasy Politics'


Both far right and far left make a break for it, and we wind up with four parties. We’ll call one The God Party, and the other the The Anti-God party. The other two we’ll keep the names.

All the screamers from both parties show up at the same events, formal debates are scheduled for those who’ve demonstrated consistently an aversion to screaming, and the rest of us can consider who is representing us best, and vote likewise. I’m talking 10 events at least, with each representative only allowed 1.

For anyone to pay attention, the media would have to score it like a professional football game, somehow, including the final score, and therein lies the problem with even the fantasy. (Pay-per-view?)

But anyway, it’s my fantasy, and the first four questions should be taken right out of John Cole’s playbook. With the fourth question included.

We could start right there.

C’mon, Mr. Phelps. It can’t all be done from the top.

What Michael Phelps and his publicists SHOULD be saying.

Hat tip to Scott at LGM.

Update: Open letter to Michael Phelps:

Dear Mr. Phelps,

You’ve done something no one else has done, ever, and you’re 23 years old. Why don’t you spend 3-5 years being what would in the political discourse be described as loony-tunes for something you and about 30 million Americans know is sane?

You got some big political bank, dude. People are going to find it hard to argue with you if you simply call it like you see it.

In short, your choice is being exponentially more polarizing with the knowledge you’re espousing a point of view that millions share, but dare not speak its voice. Millions will love you even more than we already do, but even more millions will vilify you. I understand it has cost.

But you have the virtues of being on the correct side, and in a unique position to move the Overton Window.

Thanks for the thrills and pride. And smoke ’em if you got ’em.

Also, enjoy the babes and money. You earned it the American way. You worked for it.

J

Update 2: The brilliant and ever lyrical Poor Man Institute gives you a tasty-lick of my link.

Q: Do you believe the Earth is roughly 6000 years old?

Follow up Q for Y answer: Do you believe we know the speed of light?

Follow up to Y answer: Are you aware that all those beautiful Alaskan stars wouldn’t be seen by your lovely bespectacled eyes until the light that shines in both travels many ‘light-years’?”

Follow up Q for N answer: You don’t believe we know the speed of light?

Follow up Q for N answer: Really? Your biography suggest you are a creationist. Please elaborate.

Q: Would John McCain have chosen you if you were a man?

(No chance of N answer.)

Follow up Q to inevitable Y answer: So, just to restate, you believe you were the most qualified person, man or woman, McCain, who will be the oldest President we’ve ever elected, could have chosen to be his Vice Presidential candidate?

Q: What was your role in the job loss of your ex-brother-in-law, and Walter Monegan?

A: I can’t comment on it, because it is currently under investigation. I will say that my record as a reformer is clear.

Q: Do you think the American public might be tiring of those words?

A: No comment.

Q: On to foreign affairs. Do you believe, as many McCain surrogates have suggested, that Alaska’s proximity to Russia provides you foreign policy experience?

Follow up to Y answer: Really. Explain how.

(Follow up until she proves she as a clue about foreign policy. Yes, it will be a long interview, but this is fantasy politics.)

Follow up to N answer: Then why do you suppose so many people are saying precisely that?

Q: You imposed a windfall profits tax on oil companies in AK, which John McCain opposes and Barack Obama supports. Why?

A: Because I have a proven record of taking on the special interests.

Q: Thank you for your valuable time. You’re truly hot. Just one more softball: Which books were you interested in banning? Many Americans want to ban books, so this is a valid question.

Media Man figures out a historic blow-out would be better, financially speaking, than a close race, and adjusts coverage accordingly.

When McCain starts screwing up borders, it is time to start with the mocking.

I noticed that Maureen Dowd is a guest on one of the Talking Head shows this morning.

Just once, dear Lord that’s all I ask, just once, I’d like to see MoDo asked on The Great Tube of Learning if she knows who Molly Ivors is.

Follow up questions would be too much to ask even in the world of fantasy politics.

Obama gets the flag pin question, and responds along these lines:

“George, that is the stupidest question in a long season of stupid questions, that I’ve ever heard. I don’t want that woman’s vote. I guess that DOES make me an elitist, and even though I think I need as many votes as I can get, particularly from white people, I’m done.”

“I tried. I wanted to elevate the conversation. I tried to stay positive about everything, and I tried to explain to people how stupid this kind of thing is. But the ratings-driven media in this country just can’t help bringing up stupid shit, that has nothing to do with anything, including patriotism. I don’t see a flag pin on you, George, and Charley, maybe yours is hidden in your Batman boxers or something, but I can’t see it from here, either.”

“My wife has been hassling me all along about the sacrifice I’m making of her and our children just trying to be a black-guy President. She’s hung in there well, and defended herself, our children, and me very competently and passionately, and that’s why I love her.”

“But this is now one fucked up country. Flag pins? Is that your ‘qualification’ for ‘patriotism?'” Because that isn’t mine. If you accept that definition, you accept that a wardrobe accessory worn by Adolph Hitler makes him a patriot. That’s just plain fucking stupid, and I can’t take it anymore, from that voter or from the conglomerate news organization that chose to air it.”

“It is frankly stupid, and the worst part about it is that the moderators of this debate probably know it, too. Yet they chose to present it to me.”

“You want ‘elitist?’ I’ll give you elitist. This country isn’t worth my family’s life and my own dignity. Senator Clinton can have the train wreck that is the Bush Administration’s legacy, across the board, on any issue one can come up with, even in their flag-pin moron heads. This country hasn’t earned my effort.”

“This debate has been a wonderful illustration of everything that is wrong with this country. Nobody has flip-flopped more than Senator McCain, but people’s opinions evolve, and if they can explain how they did more power to them. But the media doesn’t even bother to ask him. Most people perceive St. McCain of Media Mountain to be anti torture. Yeah, well, he voted for torture. I guess that isn’t as important as my jewelry accessories. It clearly isn’t in the eyes of one of our major ‘news’ outlets.”

“Most people perceive of St. McCain as a ‘maverick.’ Why should his 86% conservative voting record matter? Why should his staff comprised virtually entirely of lobbyists matter in the context of his allegedly lifelong fights against them? It ain’t no flag pin, that’s for sure.”

“Most people, even conservatives, perceive John McCain as a centrist. Where do you suppose they get this impression? From meeting him and having substantive discussions with him? Nah. They perceive him to be whomever the Corporate Media decides.”

“Hillary.”

“Hillary Clinton is one of the great policy minds our country has known in modern times. She’s forgotten more about health care than John McCain will ever bother to learn. She’s strong and smart and tough, and she cares about her country in a very big way.”

“But it won’t matter if she gets elected. Our Corporate Media will lay upon her the ancient issues of ghosts past, including a lot of stuff that is as substantive as flag pins on lapels. She’ll be crippled by the existing and largely irrational hatred of her that the Corporate Media narrative has thrust upon her. She won’t be able to govern because of this narrative. Or, perhaps she’ll make incremental improvements (it’s a low bar to clear after Bush and considering McCain) in spite of it.”

“Her toughness is a great strength, and as with all great strengths, a great weakness. She’s naturally defensive, a ‘natural’ politician, as anyone would be who has been gang-raped by the narrative that has been created about her over the last 15 years. I bring you back to what I said about McCain: Are your feelings about Hillary based on anything other than what the Corporate Media has told you to feel about her? If you answer yes, and don’t know her like I do, you’re an idiot.”

“I strongly urge all of you to vote for her. Any comparison between her and St. McCain is a no-brainer. And that means you, my fellow black voters. You want more of the same, stay home, or vote for McCain. And then don’t complain when you get what you deserve.”

“There I go again. I’m an elitist. Once upon a time, we wanted our leaders to be a little smarter and world-wise than the rest of us. No longer.”

“So, I’ve had enough.”

“I’ll leave the door open just a crack: If there is some groundswell of regret from both the Corporate Media and the people who care enough to engage in politics, to walk the streets and ask for help, to donate to campaigns, to learn about the issues, I’ll consider re-entering.”

“I won’t hold my breath.”

And he walks off the stage. Now THAT’S good TV, and a narrative-changer, and a political discourse changer. Maybe that’s the best he can do now, I don’t know.

It’s just something I would consider were I Barack.

Update: The Rude Pundit has a similar but of course funnier take on the same thing.

Update 2: As usual, I’m with J. Heywood. Get the man a job on TV. Given the theme of fantasy politics.

Update 3: What Digby said. She’s the one you go to for a thorough dissection.

The Democratic caucus uses stem-cell research to grow a spine, cord included.

I love FDL.  They are credible, well-informed, smart, funny, and fantastic.

So I have a little bit of a crush on Jane Hamsher.  I will point out in my own defense that not only did she NOT write the linked post, I could have sought her out at YKos to fulfill my dream of shaking her hand and thanking her, and I didn’t.  That’s because it is an affair of the heart and mind.

Dammit.

Larry Craig, (G-ID) holds Mitch McConnell’s (G-(Allegedly) KY) feet to the fire by saying he and Mitch have traded “top” positions.  And throws in a threat to Lindsay Graham (G-(Obvious) SC) to boot.

One wonders what he has in mind.  Mitch has probably been the most vocal about wanting Craig to leave, and ol’ toe-tapping Larry is digging his heals in.  Could be fun to watch play out.

My aunt and Mom were over tonight, doing some decorating for their poor ol’ single nephew/son, and while they are both political neophytes relative to us junkies, we all had a huge laugh of agreement about the concept of, “The more you rant against teh gay, the more likely it is that you are gay.”

This seemed obvious to both of them, for which I was pleased.

This is so obviously a generational issue that the GOP is stupid even to bother with it.  Long term, they change or they’re done.

Matt makes a wonderful and coherent argument about foreign policy.

BFD. Most of the electorate knows about 1% of what Matt knows.

I know all of 10% of what Matt knows.

This fantasy that the election of ’08 will resemble or reflect policy is just freaking stupid. It takes someone like me, who engages in politics on a regular basis with highly educated people who don’t give a flying fuck, to understand.

McCain is my leader in the clubhouse, to continue the golf shit. I would hope the “People” would get the difference when the big moment comes, but we should try not to forget that Jesus Himself could show up in the guise of a black man or woman and the Jesus-voters wouldn’t vote for Him and especially not for Her, or Soul Man.

They would torture the mo-fo, for being a DFH. And that’s that.

I hope Obama picks Scalia’s female intellectual and asshole liberal equivalent. A woman who can look him in the eye and tell him he’s a priggish, theocratic, autocratic, misogynist arrogant wanker in the guise of an objective jurist, and make him sweat over it because she’s so smart and tough. (Which is admittedly probably impossible, Scalia being such a prick that self-reflection is not even in his world-view paradigm. But still.)

Which runs a little counter to what I think Obama SHOULD do, since Scalia’s asshole equivalent is not something that would be helpful, IMHO.

But it would be fun. And I love me some balance.

Sadly, though Obama is way tougher than he comes across, he’s too fundamentally decent to do it.

That is all.

Update: I nominate Amanda Marcotte. Yes, I think she’s a little light on the traditional qualifications, but the joy of the idea overwhelms and inspires. (Obligatory Pandagonian disclaimer: This is a compliment to Amanda. “Asshole,” is not a necessarily pejorative term in my world, and certainly not in this case; I’ve called myself one forever, when circumstances dictate.)

I’m nominating her to the Supreme Court in Fantasy Politics, geniuses.