November 2010


The recent spate of passengers hassling TSA officials is nothing but a large statistical population-at-the-edge of the bell curve reaction to the omnipresence of The Man.

We’ll know things are serious and sensible when passengers start charging for a junk feel. It goes like this:

“Ma’am, we’re going to do [this].”

“That’s fine, that’ll be $20.”

“Ma’am?”

“$20.”

“Ma’am, what are you saying? Should we call security?”

“That won’t be necessary, IMO. You’re asking for some very private information, and I’m charging you for it. Consider it similar to the fees you charge me whether I’m clean or not. Heck, consider it similar to the fees you charge me for everything. I paid $100 to fly myself from Denver to Chicago this year, and you charged me $250 for my dog. My dignity is worth money.”

“Security!”

You get enough of that kind of thing and you have yourself some attention.

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…just go ahead and tell us you were repeatedly raped in prison and you subsequently have a terrifically tough time dealing with normal sexual behavior, you know, the “not rape” kind. We would TOTALLY understand that.

I also, too think that McCain’s media image can be rehabilitated (just not in the history books) by a confession that he’s about the biggest martyr-whore that ever walked the planet. “You know,” McCain says, laughing off his documented flip-flop on life itself, “this elected representative, marry-an-heiress thing kicks huge ass” would be just about enough to cleanse him in at least one voter’s eyes.*

Obligatory and sincere disclaimer: I believed in McCain once. I got my news from TV.**

Seriously, this is embarrassing stuff.

They’re quotes, people. Yes, they are “taken out of context.” *cough* But they are in such direct contradiction with each other without even the need for context, because they’re so diametrically opposed, context is rendered irrelevant.

Get it?

*You know, the world as we have it not want it…

**see, “shark, jumped, TV news”

The Cat Food Commission weighs in, and the rich get the biggest tax cut!

Meanwhile, if you’re not rich, plan on working until you die.

Really, even prosecuting them like you and I would be prosecuted for hit and run is detrimental to society.

It’s interesting to know I’m going to be just old enough to watch us go down the toilet. Comforting, really.

Too fun not to pass along:

Here’s what Obama needed to say:

“Look, you ignorant, Fox News-watching rednecks….I have heard your illogical cries to ‘cut government spending’ and will do just that — starting immediately.

“I’m implementing a 20 percent cut to ALL federal programs, starting with the three federal programs that consume the majority of our tax dollars: Medicare/Medicaid, Social Security and Defense.

“Don’t whine to me about how you ‘need’ your government-subsidized Medicare or Medicaid…you want cuts to government spending; you’ll get cuts to government spending.

“Don’t bitch about how you can’t afford to have your Social Security check cut. You’ve made it clear that federal budget cuts are your priority.

“And just in case you think we need MORE defense spending, let me fill you in — the US military budget is larger than the military budgets of China, Britain, France, Russia, Germany, Japan, Saudia Arabia, Italy, South Korea, Brazil, Canada, and Australia combined.

“YOU may want to piss our tax dollars away in unwinnable wars, but since you’ve demanded cuts to federal spending, I’ll be lopping 20 percent off the the defense budget.

“In short, fuck you brain-dead idiots. Ask for cuts to federal spending and you’ll get cuts to federal spending. Please direct any whining to the Republicans you voted into office, because I’m done with you inbred asshole teabaggers.”

And THAT’S how the Overton Window is moved.