What a great man, blah blah, devoted his life to public service, blah blah, achieved tremendous levels of success blah blah, the nation mourns, blah blah.

I call preemptive bullshit: The man devoted his entire adult life to wetting his pants, hurting innocent people, and acquiring money and power for himself and his friends. At least as best I can tell from here in the cheap seats.

Obligatory disclaimer: I don’t “want” Dick Cheney to die anymore than I want some anonymous wealthy asshole bankster with a nice wife and kids to die, or myself to die, but it’s going to happen to all of us, and most of us will not enjoy the fate of being eulogized so falsely effusively in public. Besides, Liz “Borden” Cheney will clearly carry the torch for decades to come, so it isn’t as if his death matters to me in the grand scheme of things.

Dick Cheney makes me want a God to judge, and I find it delicious that he’s literally heartless now, kept alive by the science his Administration and politics fought so hard against.